Een kort verhaal van Arwen Schepers

And he had been putting this off for a few weeks already.
He’d hoped that he had a change to tell her before the party was starting, but it seemed that they wouldn’t get some time for themselves
‘Are you okay?’ Eva asked. She was leaning against him, shivering in the cold evening weather.
With his mind wandering, Adam had unknowingly been staring at the house in front of him. It stood solemn in the dark, only lit by the light that came out of the house, the few candles near the door and the faint light of the stars. The candles cast an ever-moving shadow on the wooden doors. It was too dark to see much more, but Adam didn’t need to. He’d been here often enough to know what the mansion looked like. The large square windows with ornaments all around them. The balcony above the front door that he and Tom had often used as a hideout during these kinds of parties. Passing the time by making fun of the statue on top of the roof.
‘Yeah, I’m fine,’ Adam said. Their fingers intertwined when he took her hand. There was a slight frown on Eva’s face.
‘We don’t have to go if you don’t want to.’
Eva’s eyes had always been expressive, full of concern for him, for this night. He looked back at the house, the lights spilling out of the windows, the music and chatter indistinct against the wind that was howling outside. They were late to the party as it was. At least, later than he’d promised his mother that they’d be there.
Eva squeezed his arm, prompting his answer.
‘We,’ Adam pulled her closer to his side, ‘are going in.’
The wind got blocked by the house as they walked up the stairs to front door. Now that Adam was closer, he saw that some of the candles had already burned out. They were even later than he thought.
‘Adam Leeuwen.’
Upon hearing his name, the bronze knocker knocked on the door.
The door swinging open right after, letting them in the house. Spellbound to let everyone on the guestlist in.
Inside, the warmth engulfed them right away. Eva was looking at the foyer, rubbing her hands together to warm them up. Adam had already shrugged his own coat off, as he moved to help Eva out of hers as well. From where they stood, he could look through the doors into the grand room. It was the same group as usual, adorned in tuxes and dresses. They wanted to look good, showing everyone that they had the money or the ability’s to be allowed in here, while not trying to out shadow anyone, perfectly fitting in. His mom’s friends had found themselves a place almost in the centre of the room. Sitting down on one of the few pieces of furniture that were there. All of them wearing long dresses. No embellishments, since they were considered tacky.
At the far edge of the room, Adam could see a group of men in front of the fireplace. His own father was among them, deeply in conversation with agitated gestures. He stopped watching them, as he heard the clicking sounds of heels on the marble floor, indicating that a maid was on her way to take their coats. As she took their coats, she mumbled some kind of apology for making them wait that long, but Adam’s attention had already returned to the room that lay behind the doors. Out of habit, Adam reached for Eva’s hand again, ready to lead them into the room, when Eva held him back. ‘You’re nervous.’
This time it wasn’t a question, she knew him. Adam had been on edge since he left to pick Eva up. Afraid to tell her that he was playing the game. He knew that she would hate it. She wanted nothing to do with it after it killed her parents, almost taking her and her brother with them. Adam didn’t want to see how Eva would react when she found out. He knew that he’d been acting differently. Normally he was cocky, being raised that way with his family’s money and power. Eva often mocked it, imitating him, or being irritated by it. She’d even called arrogance in some instances. This night, she called him out on his nerves. He didn’t think that Eva had ever seen him like this. Adam wasn’t sure if he had even ever felt like this before, for the first time it felt like he had something to lose. Adam tried to find an excuse, anything that wouldn’t have to do with them being here and especially not the game.
‘Adam,’ Eva said.
‘Yeah, I –’ he turned back and fell silent.
Eva looked beautiful tonight. Her hair, which she rarely wore down, was cascading down her shoulders, slightly curled. She wore a simple pink dress. He’d never seen her in anything like it. In fact, Adam thought that she practically hated the colour. But it suited her. Nothing overstated, yet it was clear that she’d made an effort for tonight. It wasn’t until he looked at her again, that he noticed she was almost as nervous as he was.
Eva always walked around with her own opinion, almost scaring people off on purpose so that she wouldn’t have to get to know them. And here she was, trying to gain the approval of a group that had turned their backs on her. Including her own family. He couldn’t turn his back on her too, not now.
‘I’m nervous, because who knows what kind of havoc you’ll create,’ Adam teased her, moving the focus away from him.
Eva pushed him in a mocking way as a smile made its way back onto her face. Adam held his arm out and her hand settled on his arm again, as they moved into the grand room. Passing through the doors, Adam could see the rest of the room as well. Just as at the front door the light in the room came from fire. Either the fireplace, candles, or oil lamps. Stemming from the old belief that electricity would interfere with magic. Not that anything pointed to that, but he learned that especially the council was very fond of its traditions.
The parts of the room that he hadn’t seen through the doors, were similar with what he had seen. These events always drew the same crowd. Not that the guest list changed much either. Highly placed people within the community and those who came from old power. Most of them were middle aged, using these events not only to show off everything that they achieved, but also to achieve more. Making deals among themselves or trying to persuade someone in the council. The same thing was expected from him, making friends now that would help him later in life. Continuing this very tradition. Eva belonged among them, coming from old power as well. What had kept her from coming here before, was that she was cast out for her mother’s mistake.
The same mistake he’d made, only so far, they hadn’t found out about it.
‘You’re late.’
They had barely crossed the doorway, yet his mom had already found them. She didn’t even look at him as she said it, she just kept smiling while looking around the room. Watching everyone else to see if they were watching them.
‘Sorry, mom,’ Adam mimicked her attitude, quickly exchanging a look with Eva. He leaned towards his mom as he said, ‘Traffic was terrible.’
It was enough to break through her stern mask, making her look at him.
An indignant look crossed her face. Adam was already looking away again as he tried to contain the smug smile, he could feel creeping onto his face.
‘Try to behave at least,’ his mom said curtly.
Adam wanted to ask who that was meant for, getting under her skin even more, but she was already walking towards someone who called out for her from across the room.
At least he could still annoy his mom, hiding that something was wrong.
Adam turned to Eva, who was trying to stop herself from laughing as well. She rolled her eyes at him when she saw him looking.
Since remaining in the door opening wasn’t an option, Adam scanned the room for people to talk to and who to avoid. Most of them were already in their own bubbles. Using a spell to put up a barrier between those in the conversation and those out of it. It formed a dome around them. The bubbles were see-through and a very light shade of blue. There was a shimmer to it, the energy of the spell moving in the form of the dome. Whenever different strands of energy moved against each other, a darker shade was formed. The bunched-up energy intensifying the colour.
Most of the bubbles were open to new people. Their purpose was to keep the conversation going without any distractions by others or too much background noise. Some bubbles, however, were there to keep people out as well as preventing them from listening in. From the outside, it was impossible to tell which bubble was which. But often when a bubble wasn’t open, it was clear by the way the people inside of it stood. Anxiously looking over their shoulder, with frowns on their faces. Even with the spell, those groups usually moved to the corners of the room.
Adam noticed Tom standing somewhere between the fireplace and another set of doors, nodding his head to Adam as a greeting. Tom had already made his way towards the back of the room with a drink in his hand. It was Tom’s usual strategy whenever he was forced to come by his parents. Taking advantage of what was on offer while he was watching Adam start unreasonable discussions.
Adam was about to lead them to Tom, when Eva said, ‘This is ridiculous.’
She had been looking around as well, not to see who to go to, but just to take it all in.
Adam looked at her for a moment, watching her as it seemed she wasn’t sure if she should be impressed at all the splendour or start laughing loudly at the idiocy with which everyone at the party was acting, finding themselves so interesting that they needed to hide their conversations. He followed her gaze through the room, trying to act like he saw all of this for the first time.
‘It is, isn’t it?’ he said. He’d never really thought about these nights before. He’d made fun about it, but in a way, he’d still found it normal. Adam thought about all the times he’d told Eva about these nights, wondering if it lived up to the expectation in her mind that he created. Telling her about the clothes and the food. The stupid things that he’d done with Tom, trying and succeeding to annoy his mom. He told her about the deals that were made in the corners of the room, the nepotism, letting her know that she wasn’t missing out that much. She’d always ask him about her grandparents, since she never met them herself. If she didn’t ask, he didn’t tell. Adam hoped that someday she would see that she was better off without them.
Except that he was like them. Enjoying the same kind of privileges.
He turned to Eva again, getting lost in her sight. It was when she looked up to him, that Adam stopped staring.
‘Come on,’ he said, moving them through the crowd towards Tom as he was holding Eva close to him.
It was going better than he assumed it would. Eva had gotten a few hostile stares, but no one tried to talk to them or tell her that she didn’t belong.
Even if they had, it would be nothing compared to what he would do to her.
Adam tried to ignore the thought. He tried to ignore the game for one more night. He couldn’t count how many times he’d said that to himself over the last few weeks. Days even. Still, Adam hadn’t figured how he was going to tell her. He couldn’t not tell her. Eva already suspected something. At least he needed to hold on tonight, he couldn’t tell her now. Completely lost in his own mind, he almost bumped into someone.
‘I’m so –’ Then he saw who was in front of him. ‘Avine.’
Adam knew they would likely run into her that evening, but he’d hoped that it happened later that night. Somehow, he missed the bright orange hair as he was looking around the room.
Like Tom, Adam had known Avine since he was a kid. Always ending up with each other whenever their parents couldn’t find a sitter for the night. Or whenever their parents wanted to parade them to the rest of the group. They’d always gotten along fine, even if it had been out of necessity. Eva and Avine was another story all together. Avine always reminded Eva that she was excluded from the community, that her mother entered the game, not caring that the game had gotten her killed.
‘No problem.’ Right after Avine said it, she took a sip from her drink. Taking her time to scrutinize Eva. ‘I was wondering when you’d bring Eva to one of these,’ Avine continued. ‘I always thought you were too afraid of the criticism.’
Adam hadn’t paid much attention to the other guests, but Avine was right. They were being stared at. Rather, Eva was. So much for the occasional rude looks that the guests had been sending their way. If people stared at him, it was only to wonder why he was with Eva or to judge him for being here with her.
Since all the guests had formed their bubbles, Adam and Eva couldn’t hear what they were saying, but they didn’t need to. Adam had already known what they were going to say before he even asked Eva to come with him tonight. It was just like Avine said, it was one of the reasons Eva hadn’t come here before.
Adam felt Eva’s hand gliding down from his arm, as if to create distance between them. He let his arm fall as well, finding Eva’s hand, intertwining their fingers. He looked to his side. Eva’s head was still high, but the laugh had left her face. He gave her hand a tight squeeze. Holding on to her hand, he started walking again. Every single one of them could stare if they wanted to, but he wouldn’t let Eva stand in the room as if she was on display.
Out of the corner of his eye, Adam saw Avine look away. He followed her gaze and saw that she was looking at his mom. Who, of course, had a hand in sending Avine their way. She had been trying to couple Adam with Avine for years.
The moment that his mom turned away from Avine and towards the other set of doors, Eva stopped walking. Adam was about to ask what was wrong, when he noticed Eva was looking at the doors as well. In the door opening right in front of them were Eva’s grandparents. The ones that left her when she was a baby, because her mother left them.
Because like him, Eva’s mom played the game.
They’d never met each other, yet by the looks on their faces it was clear that Eva’s grandparents recognised her as well. Adam knew that Eva had wanted to meet them for years, even if she would never admit it. Her own hurt stopping her. These were the people that left when her parents died, leaving her and her brother alone. Why Eva wanted to meet them was something he never understood, they were the ones that left her and Oliver. If it had happened to him, Adam would make sure to show his grandparents that he didn’t need them anyway.
Eva, however, didn’t seem to know what she should do now that she finally saw them for the first time. Her breathing was getting shallower and quicker. Her grandparents didn’t seem to know what to do or feel either. Not sure whether to reach out and meet her, or if they should walk away, angry because she confronted them with their loss again, with their daughter who didn’t turn out as they wanted her to.
Her grandfather wrapped his arm closer around her grandmother and guided her further into the room, away from Adam and Eva.
Adam’s mother had already found her way to Eva’s grandparents, guiding them to a more peaceful corner away from the prying eyes.
Of course, his mom was one of the first to help, always trying to get into graces with those above her. While trying to soothe them, his mother managed to find the time to send a deadly look Adam’s way. Adam kept looking at Eva’s grandparents, watching them hide away behind others. He didn’t look away until he felt Eva pull her hand free.
‘Eva.’ His voice was clenched as he called out her name, trying not to shout through the entire room and to draw people’s attention. After the moment between Eva and her grandparents, she didn’t need to be judged again. Not for things that were out of her reach.
Would people look at him like that when they found out what he had done?
The biggest part of the group was no longer looking at him, but they were watching Eva practically run out the hall. Adam caught up to her when she reached the door that led back into the hallway, her walking in heels working to his advantage.
‘Eva,’ he said again, more pleadingly this time. He didn’t want her to leave like this, didn’t want her to leave at all.
‘I wasn’t ready for this, Adam. I can’t even—’ Before Eva could finish her sentence, Adam pulled her close to his chest, holding her in a tight hug. Afraid that if he let her go, she would run away from him. His hand made small circles on her back as she was trying to control her breathing, fighting to keep the tears in.
‘I don’t get what I’ve done to them, or Oliver for that matter. We’re happy living with our aunt. I’m not asking them to take us in, but they could’ve talked to us, taught us. Sophie doesn’t know about magic. And we had nothing to do with it. We’re not responsible for our mom's choices. Neither of us choose for the game to be part of our lives.’
Adam’s hand stopped moving at her last sentence. He couldn’t tell her. The game had already taken so much from her, he couldn’t do that.
But what if he could give her something back? It was why he entered.
Only to do that, he needed her to tell him more about what happened to them when she and her brother were born. He was going in circles. Unless Oliver would help him if it was for his sister, that way he didn’t have to tell Eva.
Eva pushed herself away from his chest, her eyebrows furrowing together. ‘And what’s going on with you?’
Her eyes were watery, but something like distrust had formed in them. Adam didn’t reply. He couldn’t lie to her, but he’d also just decided against telling the truth.
‘Adam?’ Worry was creeping into her voice now.
He looked in Eva’s eyes, when something behind her caught his attention. Avine was standing close to the door, with her back to them, but still. With her hair tied up, he could see the number 4 in her neck. Indicating that she was a player as well. But he already knew before he’d seen the number. It was a well-known secret.
Eva turned her head, seeing that his gaze had shifted. Within a second, she turned back to him.
‘You entered the game.’ It came out as a statement, barely with emotion, if any. She didn’t seem angry now, only disbelieving. It made him take this as a chance to explain himself, to make her realise that it wasn’t as bad as she thought it was.
‘Eva, it’s –’
She cut him off before he’d said anything. ‘You’re not even going to try and deny it?’
It seemed that her emotions were delayed, the harsh tone making it clear how she felt now.
‘I did it for you.’ Adam bit back, matching Eva’s tone. He was angry that she didn’t understand, hiding his desperation. His eyes started to sting as he tried to explain himself, hoping that Eva would see the sense of it. ‘So you can have your own life, so that it doesn’t depend on Oliver anymore.’
‘I never asked for that, Adam.’
‘You don’t care?’
‘Of course, I care, but this isn’t worth it. Don’t play with your life because something tampered with mine.’
Neither of them had anything to say. Knowing that they couldn’t convince the other. Even if Eva could convince him, it had already been done. There was no turning back.
‘Oliver was right, I shouldn’t have come. I don’t belong here,’ Eva said. The way she looked at him hurt, as she didn’t know him at all.
‘Eva.’ Adam’s fingers slowly reached out to hers, regretting what he said and how they were standing across from each other now.
Eva pulled her hand back, silent tears leaving a trace of mascara as they made their way down over her cheeks. ‘I don’t want to belong here.’
With those words she turned away from him, grabbing her coat on her way out. Adam walked closer to the door, when a hand on his shoulder stopped him.
He heard his mother say, ‘It’s better this way.’ Her hand moved to take hold of his wrist, almost as if she was afraid that he would follow Eva into the cold evening. ‘Eva was right when she said that she doesn’t belong here.’
Together they watched Eva walk down the driveway, hiding in her coat. Until she disappeared in the dark. His mother waited a bit longer before she let go and started walking back to the party. ‘Don’t stay out here too long, you’ll be missed,’ she called over her shoulder.
His mom was right, it was better this way. But not for the reasons she thought.
Adam walked closer to the door, gripping it in his hand as he looked at the dark outside. He knew when he entered the game that Eva would leave him. That she couldn’t comprehend that something good could come out of the game.
It had only been a matter of time before their entirely different beliefs would’ve made their little bubble of happiness pop. Because he was willing to do horrendous things if it meant getting her the one thing she wanted. The one thing that she couldn’t get. Though they hadn’t used the spell, they had been doing the same as everyone here with their bubbles. Hiding the things they didn’t want anyone to see, not even each other. He stayed like that for a moment longer, then he shut the door and made his way back. He needed to find answers to win the game, to make this right.