Finding my way back to you

Today would either be the best or worst day of my life. Maybe it was fate or bad luck, but today the prince of light, me, would have to work together with his supposedly arch nemesis, the prince of darkness.

Een kort verhaal van Nina van der Heijden

A week ago, all four kingdoms; the court of darkness, light, dawn, and sunset, came together for the annual council meeting. Since both of us had just come off age, the magical number of 18, we were finally allowed to attend our first meeting.
Most of the meeting focussed on discussing the state of old but important trade routes between the four realms. After much arguing, the council leaders came to the conclusion that the two newest members of the council, me and the prince of darkness, should take on the responsibility of inspecting the trade routes.

Last Friday was the first time I had seen the prince of darkness, or the guy named Noah, since our last meet-up when we were two little boys of 6 years old.
I remember how we ran after each other in the court gardens and how our fathers laughed at each other’s stupid jokes. All was well between our two kingdoms, until that one unfaithful day, the day that my older brother James was accidentally shot by one of the guards employed by the darkness court.
Ever since that day, my father has waged a war against the court of darkness and is determined to let their king pay for this fatal mistake. I thus grew up learning to hate everyone and anything related to the dark king, including my once so dear friend Noah.

Even though the sun has not yet started to rise, I am already fully prepared and dressed to start my journey towards the outer boundaries of the kingdom of light.
During my ride through the forest, I try to enjoy my last few hours of solitude. The birds sing their morning songs and I whistle in tune while taking note of the beautiful nature around me. The first sun rays start to fall through the dense deck of leaves while a family of deer grazes harmoniously without taking note of me and my horse.
In the near distance, I can already make out the strict border of our realm. I stop before the large wooden doors, which will grant me access to the wide and open world beyond the realm of the light. I raise my hand to the guards and say, ‘’Good morning William and Benjamin, everything okay around here?’’
Both guys greet me back kindly and William asks, ‘’Are you ready for your first journey across the border?’’
I try to stay calm and act composed while saying, ‘’Of course, I have been training for this all my life.’’ I avoid eye contact with William and manage to put on a smile as I say, ‘’Let the adventure begin!’’
By the look that both guards are giving me, I can see that they look straight through my facade but before they can react, I quickly add, ‘’Do not worry about me, I will be back in a week or so.’’
With slightly worried expressions the guards say, ‘’Well have a good journey, my prince.’’
I nod while taking a deep breath and ride through the gate.
When I round the corner towards the decided meeting point, I immediately notice a weird feeling rising in my stomach. Why am I acting so nervous? Noah is the one who should be nervous, he and his kingdom are the villains in this story, not me! But then again, he has not always been the villain now, has he?
Before my feelings manage to take the overhand and make me turn around to go back home, I take another deep breath and spur my horse to increase its pace. Apparently, me and my horse are not as stealthy and silent as I like to think since prince Noah swiftly turns around as soon as I approach him from behind.
The first thing I notice is his almost bored and disinterested expression while he raises a brow and shouts, ‘’You are almost 10 minutes late, what took you so long?!’’
I mutter some sort of excuse and try to avoid his stern expression.
Well, isn’t this an excellent start...

The next 15 minutes we spent arguing on which route to inspect first. In this tempo, it will take the rest of the year to inspect the trade routes. I let out a heavy sigh and agree with Noah’s proposition. After all, I know how Noah tends to act when he does not get his way.
While riding East, I try to avoid his staring by intently focussing on my surroundings. I have never been in these parts of the forest and must admit that the nature around me is more beautiful than I could ever imagine.
After what feels like hours but really only lasted a few minutes, I can no longer bear his staring and snap, ‘’What is your problem?’’ I’m getting more irritated each second. ‘’If you want to say something, spit it out!’’
Noah’s eyes widen in shock and a small blush creeps up his cheeks ‘’Sorry, I did not mean to stare, I was just thinking back at the last time I saw you.’’
I let out a low chuckle, ‘’Yes, I know what you mean, it has been 12 years.’’
Noah turns his head away and mumbles, ‘’What happened to us? We used to be such good friends.’’
I can not stop myself from frowning and saying, ‘’Your father is what happened.’’
Then I speed up, leaving Noah to think for himself several meters behind me.

During the next few hours we ride silently beside one another while the sun slowly starts to set and darkness falls over the forest. I think we are both lost for words after our fall-out earlier this afternoon. But then again, I have never been much use when it comes to making small talk. I wonder why I think it seems easier to talk with the birds all around us than with the human boy riding beside me.
Scraping my last sherds of courage together, I turn my head slightly towards Noah and say, ‘’We should try to find some shelter and make a fire so we can make dinner and take some rest. Tomorrow will be another long day.’’
Noah nods and says, ‘’Sure, we should be reaching a campsite in about a mile or two.’’ Indeed, after a few more miles we reach a beautiful open spot in the forest which is encircled by trees. I guess we are going to spend the night under a wide sky of stars, which is ironically also something we did often when we were younger.
Surprisingly, Noah seems to be a very good cook and even thought of bringing a fresh rabbit. I silently and contently watch him prepare the rabbit with an outermost concentration, while I inhale the delicious scents of a good warm meal. After I finish my rabbit, I look intently at Noah and say, ‘’Thank you, the meal was delicious.’’

After all, I have not yet lost my manners and genuinely appreciate the effort he made. Apparently, Noah’s thoughts are elsewhere as he does not react to my appreciation. I start to wonder what is going through his mind.
Was I too harsh this afternoon? No, Noah is no longer my friend, I need to stop letting him mess with my head. I try to push away my conflicting feelings as I get my sleeping bag and try to get some rest.
I must have dozed off for a bit. When I open my eyes, I see that the fire is still burning, and that Noah has not moved since we finished our dinner. Don’t do it, Eden, just go back to sleep. Arggh, this isn’t working. I step out of my sleeping back and sit down next to Noah.
‘’What is on your mind?’’ I ask him in a whisper. ‘’You should really take some rest, tomorrow will be a long day.’’
Noah slowly turns his face towards mine, searching for something in my eyes as he starts off by saying, ‘’Eden, I am so, so sorry what happened to your brother all those years ago.’’ He looks down and continues, ‘’I know you hate us all and I understand that my father has made some large mistakes, but I swear I did not know about any of them.’’
After a few minutes of silence, he adds, ‘’If I could turn back time I would, I really would.’’ He tries to gauge my response. His eyes pierce into mine with an expectant and pleading look. I try to hide my face in both of my hands while tears start to pool in my eyes.
Oh, Noah, why must you be so caring? Why can’t he act more like the mean prince of darkness I was taught to see him as? My stomach turns upside down while Noah hesitantly lays his arm around my back and pulls me into his lap. I start to full-on cry and sob.
My father has always told me not to cry. Crying is for the weak-minded. This time, I simply can no longer fight it, all the years of unshed tears seem to need a release. Noah silently strokes my back and waits until my tears dry. That night, he does not leave my side. He holds me all night long.
 

The following morning, I awake with singing birds all around us. Blinking my eyes against the bright sun, I think how lovely it would be to spend more nights under the stars with nature all around me. After all, nature has long been my most trusted companion.
I slowly turn around and look into the sleeping and beautifully serene face of Noah. He literally has not left my side during the night. While I look at his face, I become amazed by his long black lashes, his subtle freckles, and his night-black hair. I could stare at him for hours, my long-lost friend.
I did not know how much we missed each other until last night. It was as if a part of me came back alive. After all these years I finally feel relieved, I finally start to feel a splinter of hope for a better future. Maybe Noah could even be part of this future.
I must have missed that Noah was waking up, because suddenly I am staring into his bright green eyes. Faster than possible I jerk my head to the other side and start to stand. Noah slowly stretches his arms and lets out a yawn.
‘’I hope you slept well,’’ he says.
While I feel a blush creeping up my face, I try to avoid his staring eyes and mumble, ‘’Yes, yes I slept well.’’ I look into the distance and say, ‘’Let’s just get going, we have a lot more trade routes to inspect.’’
As I fold my sleeping bag and bind it to my horse’s saddle, I cannot help but notice that Noah’s mouth is curved in a small, dreamy smile.

Today, we decide to move towards the more Northern-placed trade routes which will take us a whole day. Luckily, the Eastern trade routes seemed in good condition and we both hope the same can be said about the Northern ones.
This time, we no longer ride in silence but start to reminisce about our youth and the time we spent apart. I learn that Noah was not able to make many new friends after he lost our friendship.
He tells me that most of the boys and girls in the kingdom of darkness were too afraid of his father and therefore tried to avoid Noah at all cost. Most of his time he had spent learning to fight ‘’like a man’’, while secretly also practicing with painting. He even trusts me enough to say that he once painted the two of us while playing in the castle gardens.
The Noah I come to know now is a boy who longs for friendship, love, and creativity. In turn, I tell him everything that happened since my brother had died, and slowly feel a weight lift off my shoulder. It feels extremely good to be able to tell my story to someone else and I truly believe that person should have been Noah all along.

Early afternoon, we notice the sky getting darker. Suddenly, we are caught in a heavy storm. The branches sway back and forth while the rain pours down and drenches our clothes in mere seconds.
Before I can blink an eye, Noah pulls me and my horse to the left as lightning flashes down into the trees and one of the branches breaks off. I let out a shriek and look at the broken branch in shock. My heart drums uncontrollably while I glance at Noah with a face of gratitude. If Noah hadn’t been here that branch would probably have killed me.
‘’Thank you,’’ I say to Noah in an earnest voice.
Noah lets out a sigh in relief and says, ‘’I am just glad you're okay.’’ He looks around trying to see something through all the rain and says, ‘’We need to find shelter and sit this storm out, it is way too dangerous to be in the forest right now.’’
I nod and point towards our left. ‘’I think that cabin should be able to provide us some shelter.’’
We ride as fast as we can, bind our horses in the shed next to the cabin and flee inside. As soon as we enter the cabin, we are amazed by its cosiness. It is completely decorated with blankets and a large fireplace with unburned wood. Luckily, it does not seem like anyone has been in here for a while, so we decide it is safe to stay for the night.

While I try to get the fire going, Noah creates a cosy place near the fire with the blankets. When he is finished, he suddenly starts to undress.
‘’Uhmm Noah, what are you doing?’’ I ask.
He looks up in surprise and says, ‘’We need to get rid of these wet clothes otherwise we will get a cold.’’ He winks at me. ‘’No worries, I found some clothes in the closet over there.’’
I let my held-in breath escape in relief and say, ‘’Of course, good thinking.’’
After changing clothes and getting settled in nice warm blankets, we silently sit by the fire looking at the little sparks flying around.
I try to gather the courage to ask Noah if we could try and be friends again. I start to explain I have missed him immensely ever since the age of six and deeply hope that I do not scare him off by my longing for a friend, for someone who cares for me.
Noah’s mouth again turns up into a small smile while he mumbles, ‘’I have never wanted to stop being your friend Eden, I have never stopped caring for you.’’ With pink blushed cheeks he continues, ‘’I am not sure if friendship is enough for me any longer. I don’t ever want to let you go, not after being apart for so many years.’’
My whole body starts to warm and tingle and I cannot help but smile back at him, ‘’I was hoping you would say that.’’
Slowly I lean towards Noah and brush my lips against his. ‘’I won’t ever let you go,’’ I say, while he pulls me closer and deepens our kiss.

Finally, we had found our way back to each other. Together we became whole again.